Headless Chicken Hitchhikes in Monterey Park!

headless chicken headline

June 25, 1927
Monterey Park

The latest version of the old riddle, “Why did the chicken cross the road”, debuted today in Judge P.F. Guaiano’s courtroom. It fell flat.

While cruising his regular beat in the hills south of Monterey Park, Officer T.J. Neal eyeballed some shady looking characters in an automobile. The lawman resolved to have a look, and after further investigation he discovered three men, a decapitated chicken and three empty sacks with feathers stuck to them.  Arriving at the obvious conclusion that the poultry had been pinched, Neal demanded an explanation for the beheaded bird. The suspects related a story so improbable it left the cop scratching his head in disbelief.

According to the men, Yeacio Tavary of Downey, Isa Magana of Belvedere, and Daniel Garcia of Los Angeles, they had been out for a drive when they spied a headless chicken running amok through the countryside. Imagine their surprise when, without warning, the frenzied fowl dashed up to their car and jumped in!

What were they to do? The bird possessed no identification, which ruled out returning it to its rightful owner. After a brief confab, the trio had decided to keep the bird and had been on their way to cook the obliging entree when they were rousted.

Officer Neal hadn’t believed the fantastic tale of the hitchhiking chicken, and apparently neither had Judge Guaiano who mused “Chickens are not that foolish”, and ordered the defendants to spend ten days in the slammer.

Cough Syrup Fiend

June 22, 1927
Los Angeles

Ranch dweller Grace Haynes was in divorce court today, seeking her freedom from husband Amos on grounds of extreme cruelty.

He didn’t abuse her, per se, but she claimed to be terrorized by his habit of knocking back bottles of high-octane cough syrup, after which he’d commence to ranting and raving before wandering out to the pig pen and beating holy hell out of their swine herd. And that can’t be good for the pork chops.

Amos denied the accusation, countering that he’d be happy to take Grace back if she’d just stop running around all night. A fascinated Judge Bowron continued the case to hear more the next morning, but the papers failed to report if Amos was delusional or Grace an imaginative liar, and whether or not the pigs turned up seeking damages.

Sooooo-ey!

Not So Meek

June 21, 1927
Pasadena 

"Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands’ necks. Anything can happen." -Raymond Chandler

Subject to what was described as "a subtle malady," Mrs. Katherine Dwyer, 50, stocky, determined, crept up behind husband George, Pacific Electric Railway gateman, as he stood at the kitchen sink eating his lunch at 184 Carlton Street, and neatly drew a razor ’round his throat.

Dwyer’s gurgling drew the attention of housekeeper Miss Slade, who called George Spiegel of #146 for aid. Together they wrestled the blade away from Mrs. Dwyer, Miss Slade gaining a slash to the scalp for her trouble. Policeman A.O. Boyd arrived as the second victim was attacked, and promptly signed an insanity complaint, sending the lady the psychopathic ward of General Hospital.

George Dwyer may die. The couple had quarreled about their daughter, and Mrs. Dwyer, while never previously violent, had been treated for mental problems in the past.  

Slow News Day

June 20, 1927 
 
As long as there are newspapers, the following pieces will appear annually in them, although usually not all in one day:

poorolddad1.  The overall quality of fathers and the celebration of their designated holiday has diminished (generally found in letter to the editor form).

 
 
 
 
sleep2.  Worrying about sleep deprivation is probably depriving you of sleep.
 
 
 
 
 
 
toys
 
3.  While you read this newspaper, your baby is almost certainly choking to death on toys.
 
frenchwomen

 

 4.  The French are weird, but also somehow better than us.

Calling All Mediums!

Hardeen

Los Angeles
June 19, 1927

The magician Hardeen has issued a $10,000 challenge to the local spiritualist community: all they need to do is produce a single genuine message from his brother, Harry Houdini, the internationally renowned exposer of fake mediums who passed away last October 31st. Hardeen, who appears this week at the Hillstreet Theatre, told reporters that about a year ago he and Houdini made a pact with a third brother, William, as the latter lay dying. Four secret words (or six; today’s reports varied) would be communicated from the beyond by the first brother to cross over the great divide. Thereafter nary a peep was heard from William, and while Houdini’s great and mysterious powers might have been expected to aid him in drawing back the curtain between life and death, no message from him has yet been received. This contradicts a recent claim by the Egyptian fakir Hamid Bey; apparently this message contained none of the secret words agreed upon by the brothers. Indeed, Hardeen says he will award the $10,000 to anyone who can produce a communiqué containing only one or two of these. Not that Hardeen is expecting to hear from either Houdini or William any time soon: "None of us believe[d] in spiritualism," he confided.

How Far Will These Modern Artists Go?

June 17, 1927
Imperial Valley

People often ask, but Nathan, what of that builder of readymades, Dada Queen, and muse of Duchamp, Baroness Else von Freytag-von Loringhoven? Didn’t she suicide in 1927?

 carwreck

I can’t say that this piece of action art, now lost, carries the hand of the master, but I can’t rule it out either. Further investigation is necessary.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Houdini Headline

June 18, 1927
Los Angeles

Hamid BeyEgyptian mystic Hamid Bey claims to have received a message from deceased illusionist Harry Houdini – but Hardeen, Houdini’s surviving brother, doesn’t believe that Bey’s claim is any more genuine than many others made since the magician’s death last Halloween.

Hardeen would love to hear from his brother Harry, and has offered $10,000 ($119,510.92 USD 2007) to anyone who can name only one or two words of a secret code which he devised with Houdini, and another deceased brother, William. The brothers entered into the pact prior to William’s death last year in order to prove that the dead cannot communicate with the living. They agreed that the code would be the preamble to any communication from beyond the grave. Hardeen said that he and Houdini never heard from William following his death.

Bey has spent most of this year on the vaudeville circuit performing feats such as being buried alive and then revived. Mr. Bey asserts his powers are divine gifts, and he had intended to challenge Houdini’s well documented skepticism of spiritualists. Throughout his life Houdini had scorned spiritualists and had often stated that he could duplicate, by mechanical means, any of the stunts performed by a medium. Unfortunately Houdini died before the two could meet.

Prior to his current stint in vaudeville, Bey spent a few years traveling around the world publicly demonstrating powers had he learned at a Coptic Temple in Egypt. While in Brindisi, Italy, he had a near death experience. He had announced that he was going to induce a state of suspended animation, and allow himself to be buried alive for three days. His plan to fast prior to his entombment was foiled by the residents of Brindisi when they prepared a sumptuous banquet in his honor, and pressed him to eat several large plates of spaghetti.

When he awakened from his trance he was buried and unable to breathe – he then pulled the emergency cord which rang a bell above ground to summon help to his gravesite. Bey later stated that his trance had been disrupted by the spaghetti he had consumed.

Were cosmic forces responsible for interrupting Hamid’s trance, or were a bad case of indigestion and a subconscious desire not to remain buried under six feet of Italian soil the reasons for his premature resurrection? It is a shame that fate intervened and denied us the outcome of a confrontation between Hamid Bey and Harry Houdini.

Houdini’s wife Bess held a séance on Halloween every year through 1936 when she declared that “ten years is long enough to wait for any man.” No authentic message from Houdini has ever been received.

Drink to the Law of Unintended Circumstance

fredthechemistJune 16, 1927
Los Angeles

Chemist Fred Paguilnati had been minding his own business in his home at 1528 Redondo Boulevard when local law enforcement came by for a visit.  Which was understandable, since Fred’s chemistry business was less about mixing Bromos and more about tending to his 200 fredhouseabovecases of assorted liquors, at his home bootlegging operation (complete with full bottling plant).  Proprietor Fred had driven the coppers away with a gun but they’d come back with full force and broken down the door.  And so before Municipal Judge Stafford went Fred, where today he was told he could pay $500 ($5,975 USD2005) or take fifty days.  He took the fifty days.  Ah, this, just a day like any other, here in Volstead-era Los Angeles.

To our left, Fred’s house, center, as perhaps a Prohis Chopper might see it. 

 

In related news…yes, we all know that Prohibition turned ordinary people into criminals, and gangsterism left corpses stacked liked cordwood on our streets, but let’s discuss something serious for once—stick this in your if-it-ain’t-one-thing-it’s-another file:
icecreamncandy

The article notes, just as one example, that cigarette comsumption was up 400%.  Thanks a lot, Wayne Wheeler, for turning us into a nation of fat, toothless, wheezing, cancer-ridden sclerotic emphysemics.   

 

Kiss of Death

June 15, 1927
Los Angeles

When the peddler peeked into the back window of John and Lydia Kiss’ home at the defunct address of 1843 Woolan Avenue he found, not a likely prospect, but a pair of gently swaying corpses, result of the couple’s successful suicide pact. Beneath their feet were upturned boxes, suggesting they had stood together and kicked off into eternity.

Lydia, 53, had terminal cancer, and she and John chose to go out together rather than await her inevitable death. Lydia left several notes in Hungarian saying that she and John were tired of life, and their relatives, including a son in L.A., a daughter in Long Beach, and two sons in Chicago, would likely be happy to have their money. $1500 in cash was found in the home.